Portland Trail Blazers announce new bizarre, wonderful mascot

The Portland Trail Blazers announced a new mascot to pair with Blaze, their existing, somewhat-confusing mountain lion mascot. He's a Bigfoot who wears a plaid flannel and a beanie, and his name is Douglas Fur. He also loves cold brew.

Douglas Fur celebrates the Pacific Northwest's mythical ape-like cryptid Bigfoot, also known as Sasquatch. He also celebrates Portland's love of dressing like a lumberjack and not shaving.

The Blazers become one of the only NBA team's to employ a mascot tandem. The Cavaliers have a sword-wielding musketeer named Sir. C.C., and also a dog named Moondog, a tribute to legendary Cleveland DJ Alan Freed. Memphis has an uncreatively-named bear called "Grizz," and also a bird named Hooper and a dragon named Clawz.

Inspired by the team's annual Mascot Night, usually timed to Blaze's birthday, the team decided to add another mascot to the mix, which would also ease the burden on Blaze's many public engagements. And roaming around the Cascade Mountains, which he did a lot before his adoption by Scottie Pippen, according to his fictional biography.

Portland also refers to Douglas Fur as a "hipster," which is perfect for both the city of Portland and the team. After all, hipsters love ironically enjoying things that are bad, like the last two seasons of Blazers basketball. In fact, if the Blazers ever do contend for a title again, Douglas Fur will probably accuse them of selling out and going too mainstream.

The possibilities are endless with Douglas Fur. Using a t-shirt cannon to blast out ironic t-shirts and flyers for his band's shows. Doing bicycle tricks at halftime, but only on a fixed-gear bike. Handing out craft beer from the backpack he's always wearing. Demanding the arena DJ only play vinyl records.

We'll see if the NBA is ready for Douglas Fur when he starts wearing horn-rimmed glasses and smoking American Spirits on the sidelines. But for now, we're excited for Portland to welcome its hairy new mascot--especially since he's probably also a blogger.