The perfect walk-up music for each MLB team's star

We're big fans of puns here, so we couldn't resist paying tribute to slugger Manny Machado with this classic Village People hit.

Mookie Betts, Boston Red Sox: "Peace Of Mind"

Mookie Betts was, unquestionably, the best player last year not to win an MVP award for the American League, and if he can stay healthy and continue batting patiently (he only struck out 80 times on 672 at-bats), he'll be even better next year.

Melky Cabrera, Chicago White Sox: "Hurt"

Jeez, poor Melky Cabrera. Not only did his team get rid of star pitcher Chris Sale back in December, not only did they have a massively disappointing season, not only did his hated rivals to the north able to finally break the curse and win the World Series, but it seems like the team is in full rebuild mode, jettisoning underperforming veteran players to make way for young talent – meaning Melky Cabrera is on the hot seat.

Francisco Lindor, Cleveland Indians: "Believe"

If you judge by the t-shirts you see in Ohio, the city isn't called Cleveland anymore. It's called Believeland. They're quickly shedding their reputation as a factory of sadness thanks to (okay, yes, LeBron James, but also) all-star Francisco Lindor, a super-young, super-hot shortstop who will be looking to lead the Indians to total domination of the midwest.

Miguel Cabrera, Detroit Tigers: "Never Get Old"

Miguel Cabrera is 34. Did you know that? He's 34, and he had 38 home runs and a .316 batting average last year. He's playing some of his best baseball, and he's been in the league for 13 years. In honor of the ageless Miggy, the Tigers get an under-appreciated Bowie tune that totally could have been written about him.

Carlos Beltran, Houston Astros: "Maybe This Time"

Carlos Beltran has a lot on his plate this year. Astros fans will be looking for him to contribute immediately, every time he steps up to the plate, so that the team can avoid the kind of collapse that happened last year. Maybe this time, he'll be lucky.

Jorge Soler, Kansas City Royals: "Jolene"

Jorge Soler would be a master troll if he chose the hit song Jolene as his walk-up music, given the way the Royals took Soler from the Cubs, just because they can.

Mike Trout, Los Angeles Angels: "Is This It"

Poor Mike Trout. He's probably the best pure hitter right now in the MLB, and he's stuck on a team that seems destined to languish in mediocrity. At least now he's got Pujols to keep him company! That said, he has to be asking himself "Is This It?" every time he steps to the plate. Well, is it, Trout? Is it enough?

(No, it isn't.)

Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins: "Brick By Brick"

Joe Mauer has reason both to be frustrated, and to be very happy. First of all, he's all but assured of a roster spot on a team that has been unafraid to jettison talent in order to rebuild – though that's because he's got a no-trade clause in his contract. Plus, it seriously seems like the Twins aren't using the "rebuilding" tag as an excuse (unlike some other teams I could mention), and with their trio of under-25 outfielders, there actually is some stuff to look forward to this season. It's too bad they still won't contend.

Matt Holliday, New York Yankees: "Shake It Off" 

Matt Holliday signed a massive one-year contract with the Yankees this offseason with a highly unusual and specific no-trade clause – he can't be moved to the A's. He's also going to have to get used to his new role as a the designated hitter after years spent in the outfield. If Holliday's to be successful in his new home, he'll need to shake off all the changes and let the haters hate.

Khris Davis, Oakland Athletics: "Me, Myself and I"

Poor Khris Davis. Not only does every Starbucks barista spell his name wrong, but the A's are relying on him, and pretty much only him, to provide offense. He had 42 homers last year, and the Athletics still had the worst offense in the MLB.

Robinson Cano, Seattle Mariners: "Feeling Good" 

It's been a while since the Mariners reached the postseason (16 years, but who's counting?) but thanks in part to Robinson Cano's 39 homers, a career best, Seattle led the AL in runs last year. Cano and Mariners fans have reason to feel good – it's a new dawn, it's a new day, and they might finally break that streak.

Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays: "Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is"

Okay, Evan Longoria, it's time to cash in. The Rays Way has ostensibly been working in the team's favor over the past few years, the team is full of youth and promise, but now it's time for Evan Longoria and his Gandalf beard to earn his salary and lead the team into being competitive.

Yu Darvish, Texas Rangers: "Saturday Night (FIX)"

There will be a lot of pressure on Yu Darvish this year. In a season, the Rangers have become a band of misfits – losing Prince Fielder, Mitch Moreland, Ian Desmond, and Carlos Beltran (among others), and it'll be on Yu to pitch his way out of some dicey situations and really bring the band together.

Jose Bautista, Toronto Blue Jays: "Way We Ball"

How could we resist giving Jose Bautista this Lil' Flip classic, in honor of the best bat-flipper in baseball? They'll probably want to cut out the first part of the song where he talks about Houston for about a minute, however.

National League

Zack Greinke, Arizona Diamondbacks: "Brand New Me"

Zack Greinke needs to be a different pitcher in 2017 after seeing his ERA skyrocket to 4.37 from 1.66 this past season. Maybe some Alicia Keys will help the former-ace find his groove in his second year with the Diamondbacks.

Matt Kemp, Atlanta Braves: "Shut Up and Let Me Go"

Man, the Padres have to be kicking themselves. They were shopping Matt Kemp around everywhere, and when they finally got rid of him, he started putting up major numbers for the Braves (12 homers in just 56 games). It'd be a shame if he didn't rub it in the Padres' face with this Ting Tings classic whenever they visit.

Anthony Rizzo, Chicago Cubs: "Careful"

Anthony Rizzo is on thin ice with the baseball watching public. Sure, it was great when he made the out that won the World Series, breaking the streak, and he is generally one of the most likable players in the MLB. But he'll need to be careful, lest he start to lose that boyish charm and become another Jeter.

Bronson Arroyo, Cincinnati Reds: "Ageless Beauty"

We're going with another pitcher here because this story is too good to pass up. You guys remember Bronson Arroyo? The 40-year old who hasn't pitched in the majors for almost three years? Well, with the regular season fast approaching, it seems like he's going to make the Reds' roster, with manager Bryan Price going as far as to day that he has no doubts that Arroyo will make the squad.

Nolan Arenado, Colorado Rockies: "You Belong With Me"

Sure, Kris Bryant is the hotness at 3B right now. But maybe, if you look to the Rockies, and third baseman Nolan Arenado, what you've been looking for in Bryant has been in Arenado the whole time. He's arguably the best third baseman in the game from a defensive standpoint, given that Bryant regularly puts in some outfield time as well.

Clayton Kershaw, Los Angeles Dodgers: "Our Time (FIX)"

If Dodgers beat reporters are to be trusted, the Cubs have no chance at a repeat this year – thanks in large part to Clayton Kershaw and his seductive wavy hair. If he can continue the production he had last year, the improvements of players like Justin Turner, Corey Seager, and Hyun-Jin Ryu could lead the Dodgers to a title.

Giancarlo Stanton, Miami Marlins: "Eat The Rich"

Say it with me: Giancarlo Stanton deserves to be paid more than he is – even after a down season. He's one of the few bright spots on a Marlins team that has been beset by tragedy. As a sidenote, are there any Marlins fans that actually like Jeffrey Loria? That's an honest question. Seriously, tweet at me and let me know if you're a fan of the Marlins, and enjoy how Loria has been running the team. The good news for the rest of you is that it looks like Loria is at least trying to make the team competitive by increasing payroll (probably in order to sell the team off for more money later, but who's keeping track).

Ryan Braun, Milwaukee Brewers: "Kick Push"

Though it must be frustrating for Ryan Braun, things are actually falling into place quite well for the Brewers. Despite competing in one of the more challenging divisions in the MLB (and coming in fourth place in said division two seasons in a row), the Brewers have set themselves up for success with a pretty strong draft class, and a whole bunch of money to spend on up-and-coming talent. And though he might not like it, and would prefer to win now, it'd be better for Braun and his future in Milwaukee if he just continues to kick, push, and coast. Things'll get better soon.

Noah Syndergaard, New York Mets: "Don't Hurt Yourself"

The Mets have been quiet this offseason which is a blessing and a curse for fans. On one hand, it means that they're very confident in their lineup. On the other hand, it means that if, say, Syndergaard goes down, the Mets are kinda screwed. They could try and keep his mind right by playing this Jack White and Beyonce hit for him.

Michael Saunders, Philadelphia Phillies: "Hangin' Tough"

Michael Saunders will need to bounce back from his disappointing play late in the 2016 season, and do it fast. The Phillies are staring down the barrel of an early-season schedule that includes matchups with the Dodgers, Cubs, Nationals, and Rangers. Saunders will have to show some grit early on, or the Phillies' season will be over before it begins.

Andrew McCutchen, Pittsburgh Pirates: "Let's Hang On"

The Pirates should be playing this classic from Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons every single time Andrew McCutchen steps foot on the field – whether he's playing outfield or whether he's batting. Even when he's warming up. Please don't go, Cutch.

Wil Myers, San Diego Padres: "Next Year"

Listen, we all know it's going to be a rough year for Wil Myers and the Padres. Probably the only thing the Padres have to look forward to this year is that, as of now, they're the prohibitive favorites to have the #1 pick in the 2018 draft. But Myers got himself a hefty six-year contract extension, so as long as he can continue his production (he had 25 home runs and 25 stolen bases in 2016, one of only three other players to ever accomplish that feat), he'll be around when it's finally the Padres' turn to contend.

Madison Bumgarner, Francisco Giants: "Upward Over The Mountain"

Is there any other choice here, for MadBum? Not only is Iron and Wine's hit "Upward Over the Mountain" a perfect fit for his team, who are looking to re-establish dominance over the Dodgers, but also, Bumgarner totally looks like Iron and Wine's lead singer.

Dexter Fowler, St. Louis Cardinals: "One Way Or Another"

Revenge can be sweet sometimes. The Cardinals have seen their hated rivals in the Cubs separate themselves pretty solidly over the past couple of years, establishing dominance and winning a World Series, but they have also successfully poached star center fielder Dexter Fowler away. They'll look to him for immediate production, and to help bolster a patchy defense – ideally with the ultimate goal of catching the Cubs and overtaking them once again.

Bryce Harper, Washington Nationals: "Simply The Best"

Bryce Harper is back with a vengeance, and that should scare pretty much everybody who isn't a Nats fan. After his return from injury, he notched eight home runs in only 62 plate appearances. That's insane – that means that essentially, he hits a home run every eight times he comes to the plate. If you multiply that out, by average plate appearances per game and games in a season, you end up with about a gajillion dingers. That's a bit part of why the Nationals are projected to win their division.