I recently had the terrible fortune of watching Bad Teacher. You know that movie with Cameron Diaz and some other people that were supposed to be funny. Yeah that movie was awful. I pity the fool that spent a dime watching or putting that movie together (I went Mr. T style right there and I’m not sure why).
In between watching Bad Teacher and vomiting in the nearest trash can. I began to think about the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Five minutes later I began compiling a list, and here it is in a very particular order, with a little background as to why I can’t stand the movie. Also I’m only ranking the top 5, because it’s still early and don’t have my normal level of disdain.
5. Any M. Night Shyamalan movie after 2004
I think Shyamalan is a pitcher that has 100 mph fastball and nothing else. Once we saw his only trick he had nothing else.
4. Hustle and Flow (2005)
I know it got awards, but I don’t get it. The whole concept was wretched.
3. Ali (2001)
I love my boy Will Smith, but he shouldn’t have tried to embody the voice of Muhammad Ali. It was completely distracting, and he didn’t need it. I’ve actually never finished this movie, because after falling asleep on it twice. I gave up on it. The only reason this movie isn’t first on my list is because of Jamie Foxx’s break out performance.
2. The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
This movie actually made me cry. The idea that Eddie Murphy would be grinning in something called, Pluto Nash. Unbelievable!
1. Emma (1996)
This movie flat out stinks. I still can’t get the feeling out of my stomach. The only reason I know this movie exist is because my father rented it base on a suggestion from a blockbuster employee. My father came home and told everyone about how many awards this movie won, and how it was this picture of perfection. So we start watching the film and I wish you could see the look of disappointment on his face 10 minutes into that movie. It was the same look Clint Eastwood wears in every movie. To this day I want to find the blockbuster Douche Bag that recommend Emma, and slap them with snow shovel (Tony Kornheiser style).
-Kortney Shane Williams
Comedian and Writer