Originally written on The Queensbury Rules  |  Last updated 10/29/14

LAS VEGAS - SEPTEMBER 16: Roger Mayweather, uncle and trainer of boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr., speaks during the final news conference for their bout against Juan Manuel Marquez at the MGM Grand Hotel/Casino September 16, 2009 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Mayweather Jr. and Marquez will fight at the MGM Grand Garden Arena on September 19 in Las Vegas. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
Floyd Mayweather, Jr. and Manny Pacquiao have put an end to their defamation case. No, they probably still won't be fighting in the ring, despite recent public concessions from the Pacquiao side, but at least they're no longer fighting in the courts. Progress is progress.

The Mayweather camp statement, released late Tuesday, is a riot.

Judge Daniel H. Weinstein (ret.):, the Mediator in the Nevada action EMMANUEL PACQUIAO v. FLOYD MAYWEATHER, JR and MAYWEATHER PROMOTIONS LLC, announces that the parties have settled the defamation lawsuit between themselves on confidential terms, and that Mayweather Jr. and Promotions have issued the following public statement:

“Floyd Mayweather Jr., Floyd Mayweather Sr., Roger Mayweather and Mayweather Promotions wish to make it clear that they never intended to claim that Manny Pacquiao has used or is using any performance enhancing drugs, nor are they aware of any evidence that Manny Pacquiao has used performance enhancing drugs. Manny Pacquiao is a great champion, and no one should construe any of our prior remarks as claiming that Manny Pacquiao has used performance enhancing drugs.”

This is one of those phony settlement statements where everybody gets a little something out of it. Pacquiao's side gets to say, "See, they had to retract their words!" and Mayweather's side gets to say, "We never said anything wrong! That was just a 'clarification,' not a 'retraction.'"

Does anyone remember "A-side meth?" The stuff that Roger said Pacquiao was on, and that Filipino soldiers used to deflect bullets, Superman style, in a time-warping war between the United States in the Philippines? I dunno. Being immune to bullets sounds performance-enhancing to me.

What about "power pellets?" Remember those? The stuff that Mayweather said Pacquiao was on, creating a precondition that "I'm gonna fight the Pacman when he is off the power pellets," and can prove he is not on any drugs? The sentence implies that the pellets, whatever they may be, "enhance" Pacquiao's "performance" in a way that is illegal, as though like a "drug." We do know that the video game character Pac-Man receives performance enhancement when he takes the drugs. I'm not sure which is better, even: deflecting bullets, or EATING GHOSTS.



Or maybe the remark is accurate if we focus on the "never intended to claim." In that scenario, maybe the Mayweathers can't help themselves. They didn't intend to do it, but in some kind of involuntary, seizure-induced verbal spasm, did so anyway. Oops!

These jokers, man. 
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